Through the Lens of a Disposable Camera
Article and photo by Joana Kim
Around the start of April, I had purchased a disposable camera. It wasn’t for any specific reason; I had thought it would be a fun idea to document little things that happened day-to-day. Of course, I could have easily used my phone camera to do the same thing, but the idea of not quite knowing what the picture you just took really looks like, and having to focus on the one chance of that perfect shot, seemed to be a more exciting challenge.
The truth was, I hadn’t used a disposable camera since I was in the 5th grade. In addition to that, back then, upon receiving the developed pictures I remember feeling disappointed. The reason being that the images I had once carefully taken in the moment looked different now than they were in my hands.
For example, I remember trying to take the perfect picture of some beautiful greenery. In my mind, the shot was going to come out so well. I felt it in my bones. But when finally seeing around half of my precious memories blurred with my thumb and marked with red looking eyes from the excessive use of the flash, those expectations (along with others) were crushed.
Looking back now, it is an amusing memory, but it lingered to my next encounter with a disposable camera. What was different, however, was a newfound determination to make every picture count, whether the result came out “well” or not. Of course, being in the middle of quarantine, my options for space and objects were limited to what was in close proximity at home or around my neighbourhood...mostly home. Naturally, the subjects of my photos became both the most random yet normal sources of inspiration.
Pictures of the sky from outside my window, a picture with a friend in our neighbourhood, a family birthday celebration at home, the minor self-renovation of my room, and video calls with friends are just a couple of these so-called inspirations. Listing these out brings more light to how typical and potentially unnecessary my photos may seem to someone else. While on the other hand, I would be able to recall the behind-the-scenes of every one of those pictures so vividly. As long as I know its importance, it measures up to the value successfully.
That’s exactly the point. Sometimes, when we work hard on something that is meaningful to us, the final results or the feedback we get back from other people aren’t quite what we expected. The careful thought put into the work suddenly seems underappreciated as it is not always visible on the other side of the finish line. Similar to my 10-year-old self and the disposable pictures, it can feel disappointing.
You might be working on an important project, studying for an exam, or perhaps taking up a new hobby. It can be easy to become overwhelmed by how others may view your work, or you may feel discouraged because there seems to be a lack of recognition or progress when compared to your efforts.
What’s important to know is that the work that we put into something we care about does still matter - no matter who sees, or if anyone sees it at all. Disposable pictures may seem like an arbitrary thing to connect this to, but when you think about it, I wonder how many of those pictures actually come out exactly the way one might initially want it to, despite the actual work put into the picture. No one might be able to see all the thought-out details from the actual photograph itself, but the creator knows, and that should be enough.
The same goes for more important matters, and lesser ones too. I encourage you to be intentional about what you do and how you do it and without the notion of anyone seeing, as it always proves to be valuable at the end of the day. It may be challenging, but the more this occurs, true self-confidence and passion grow as a result - especially when the only person who notices is you.
So when we all get our version of a set of disposable film back, let’s remember that even each disposable picture is still worth something even if it is nothing but a blurry landscape - 58 cents plus all the beautiful greenery behind that thumb! :)