On Loneliness

Alessia Cara says she’s “good as gold” in her song about loneliness:

I found my footing on my own
I'm a-okay, I'm good as gold
And I can do better, do better alone

— Alessia Cara, Trust My Lonely

What is it about this loneliness? Why are we afraid?

My friend, the same friend who inspired these articles, walks me to my car on my last day of work. We became close this summer. How were we going to say goodbye and then drive off? 

What I wanted her to know is that:

Sometimes we have great friends around us. 

Sometimes, we have none. 

Regardless, we are strong. There’s power and glory to be found in knowing you can fight for yourself. In fact, some people really enjoy being alone. Henry Rollins says, “Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.”

Even if you’re not one of these people, the best thing you can do for yourself is to learn to be okay with loneliness. Otherwise, you’ll spend the rest of your life being so afraid of your own self, and you’ll search to cure your loneliness in places you should not be looking. That is the fastest way to make yourself unhappy: running from something you should not be running from. Running from something inevitable.

Paulo Coelho says:

“Blessed are those who do not fear solitude, who are not afraid of their own company, who are not always desperately looking for something to do, something to amuse themselves with, something to judge. If you are never alone, you cannot know yourself.”

— Paulo Coelho, Manuscript Found in Accra

I also think that the only way to really know yourself is to have been alone for some time. That way, you’ll know who you are in a way that is not tied to other people. You’ll know who you are when the masks and layers come off. Otherwise, how do you not wonder if you’ve only been a reflection of what other people want you to be?

And you may wonder, how does one do that?

My answer is: write.

Whether I’ve had the chance to talk to a friend that day or not, I make sure to journal at the end of each day. It’s an act of being alone, and fully focusing on what’s inside. 

William Carlos Williams says:

It is difficult
to get the news from poems
yet men die miserably every day
for lack
of what is found there.

— William Carlos Williams, Asphodel, That Greeny Flower Other Love Poems

Wow… That’s huge... Feelings. Your heart. Your thoughts. They’re important.

The only trouble is beginning. My best piece of advice when finding it difficult to feel and write is to journal in jot notes. Get the thoughts out fast and simple. Or if you prefer, write for pages and pages. As long as you write.

Because having the storage of who you were and where you are going is valuable. It allows you to see that no matter how worried, angry, lonely, or sad you once were, you’ve been okay. It allows you to track how valuable your life is. 

Because it is.

So to my friend, the only thing I can say is:

Be lonely.

Embrace it. 

And you’ll see that it’s as good as gold.

By: Gabriela Gueorguiev