Slow

Article and photo by Gabriela Gueorguiev

In the beginning of April, when I finished writing my online exams, and from then on my quiet quarantine period began, I felt anxious. I sat on my yoga mat and tried to clear my head of distractions. I tried to concentrate on the stillness of the yoga practice, and realized that I had a long way to go. 

I started to read: Anne Bronte’s The Tenant of Wildfell Hall, Elena Ferrante’s My Brilliant Friend, and Sylvia Plath’s poetry.

I listened to music: Justin Bieber’s Changes, Oh Wonder’s Hometapes, and all of Taylor Swift’s old albums.

But mostly, I slowed down. I stopped, slept in, and spent most of my days lying on the couch, staring at the ceiling, and not a single song or book crossing my mind. I freed myself up completely, and listened to the quiet.

My friends messaged me, and some of them asked me: “Don’t you want to keep busy?” But I am not that type of person. I feel more fulfilled when I have nothing to do. I thrive in my free time, and it makes me worried that so many of my friends are in this habit of the “non-stop.”

I can relate to it. I haven’t had a break from the cycle of school and work in five years. I’ve been exhausted. But, I didn’t realize it, until I had the time to. 

So, despite all the problems that this quarantine has brought onto society and my family, I am thankful for this chance to rest and slow down.

During this time, I’ve discovered that the reason I was anxious at first is because I was afraid. I was afraid that if I finally let myself slow down, I’ll uncover all that is wrong with my life. I’ll uncover the hurt, the pain, the stress. And, maybe you feel that way too.

But, slowing down is still so important, and let me show you why. I was dancing with a friend once, when suddenly a slower pop song came on. I was not excited for it. Slow songs are boring and are hard to dance to. But my friend liked it, and automatically said, “now we can see who the real dancers are.”

And, when you think about it, it’s true: when a song is fast, so are the movements, and when the movements are fast, we cannot see or enjoy them properly. It’s only when movements are slow, that we can tell if they flow well together, if they are smooth.

That’s how real life is like too. It’s only when I slow down, and sit on the couch or under a beautiful tree, that I can ask myself, over and over:

“Do I feel okay? 

What direction am I going in?

What direction do I want to go in?”

I’ve always loved the image of a tree. Trees hold out their branches: reaching, accepting, and absorbing what the sun has to offer them. We can be like the trees too: reaching, accepting, slowing down, and growing where we see the most light.

So, when you have the chance, ask yourself these questions too, and give room for the answers:

“Do you feel okay?

Have you slowed down lately?

What direction is your life going in? And, are you happy? 

Are you happy with your life so far?”